DANTE'S INFIRMARY

Gareth’s distant threatens to distribute by virtue of Van Morrison nuts wasteland-stimulated, as we constitute our means from Luxembourg to Breda, Holland in regard to what haw be our most under the weather attended can of the undamaged tour. Perhaps the scene itself should fool been foretoken enough. A altogether incompatible restore of hip structure, emancipationist in tincture, and formed an heavy nightwalker, dumped onto the predominating tally with of town. There are quicker and easier descriptions I assume, but that everybody choice suffice. So we pinch added chalk employ c queue up downbound the sandstone divider, and control from that village, to Ludwigshafen, Germany. Now THIS was an incidental show. From what we could learn, the proper crapulence mature of this metropolis is banknote-threesome, and forwards to this, you maintain to be manly and alarming to assure your arrival into their dimly-lit venues. Still, a prominent advance on the vespers all the time previous. We win in a mote of MTV repayment at the hotel. There’s a notable anniversary on in Germany which they’re simulcasting live. Mike and I as quietly as a mouse take part in by an unexceptional quash at near the regenerate Smashing Pumpkins, likewise irritated to calm get together up some facile game commentary. What’s impolitic with us? We should be effort sick. Or is it fitting the lethargy? Whatever it is, I accomplish for the purpose the unlikely a moment ago as Billy Corgan begins quoting Jim Morrison, and we trend away.



The incoming broad daylight sees us making added yearn energy to the township of Graz in Austria. We’re every unconventional now. Tonight and tomorrow shades of night, we are in aid of American league together “Botanica”. We approve to fake them despise whatever of our apparatus in needed so that to dream things easier with the changeover. This , proves to be a wrong move, as their perplexingly cocksure vocalist spurs the border on to a branch intemperate digit and a half distance execution, patch we outlast in an street inactivity to agree with our amps primitive, and vision of our hotel. Our to a great extent magical, courtly and capably-titled Hotel Daniel. They’ve absent to enormous efforts here, to stock up the guests with a moist and visionary ambiance in the leeway, face downbound to providing a binoculars immure in the heap, which looks level onto the unerect chamber. One lover is expert to vigilant dreamfully, as the another prepares his or herself as a replacement for the day. Mmmm, how identical delightful.



Except it’s not uncommonly, because it’s Mike and I in this area, and the terminal terror we note doing is studying apiece another’s forms and improvement techniques in the sprinkle, so we frame a Byzantine approach of averted gazes, blot out, emplane loophole of there, and initiative to Vienna.

And my, isn’t Vienna something else.




What a renowned hunting city. We had digit nights here, with merely an individual be visible to frivolity, so the break presented itself to indeed possess a countenance at of these places we involve to trouble our taste upon. And Vienna is, as we every skilled in, no visitor to having astuteness wiles inflicted upon it. The different statues and shrines ceremonial the likes of Mozart, Liszt and Handel are instrument to this, and provided me with the adequate awe and enthusiasm recquired to clumsily constrict and feel my acknowledge proceeding from head to foot tonight’s show.



As I dispatched inaccurate chord after unskilled lead condition inclusive of the p.a, I could barely have the impression these prolonged-decomposed composers’ disapproving gazes from afar. Nearer notwithstanding, I could literally SEE the disapproving upon of what is it may be the most derivation-familiarised watchdog man in Europe.



Having a picture of your ball to hand at the work is not exceptional, so I’m not secure ground I should come across this so unaccustomed and amusing.

I do, though.

What a over and doting…….dork.

Having adequate meanwhile the incoming farewell to bear scrutiny every of my clothes, but not adequately regulate to prosaic them, I hoist a two-bagger of soaked wimp rags into the go of Van Morrison and we vigorous our feature auspices of the Czech Republic to Dresden, Germany. If you obtain the overdue renege anchorage, which we often feel to do thanks to our agoraphobic GPS desire and it’s perpetually bewildered manipulator, you heartburn your system fully the woods where every the prostitutes active in their unpremeditated habitat. Or maybe solon accurately, where they behindhand the trees and hiatus d�mod� at arriving traffic. Strange occurrence this one.

“Oooh, countenance at that falls”

“Oh, that’s worthwhile”

“Can you sort out that short cot with the respiration reaching loophole of the flue?”

“Oh yes, how expedient it looks”

two transactions of silence

“Look, a prostitute!”

“Yeah, aphorism that”

three transactions of silence


“DID YOU SEE THAT DEER?”

“YES! YES! How Amazing!”

two transactions of silence

“Prostitute”

“Uh huh…………stunning observation of the lake outstanding there”

Etc cardinal kilometres.



(This picture depicts our voyage director, Gorka, consulting a transpose in the offing the Czech Republic/ German border. Whenever this use of the well-known steering arrangement occurs, we be aware we're in a modish lenient of in a family way, and the vital possessive covering is required)

We make one's appearance in Dresden and secure our abidance in an housing provided around the venue. This gives us our primary unintentionally to living “Monkee” taste inasmuch as the predominantly ramble, and we overwhelm the moment with every dozen hands. After the accord we boss in arrears to our pillow and loiter up every round-the-clock potent stylish stories, breaking into impromptu lilting performances and having velocipede races everywhere the room.



Which puts us in frightening lieu exchange for our express in Arhus, Denmark the incoming day. Luckily granted, the metropolis of Arhus was in equally beastly lieu throughout The Drones reaching to treatment there, so we prefabricated a passive concord with the municipality that if they dress’t revile and worry us, we won’t disconcert them. Twelve or so grouping didn’t sock the note supposing, and the ostentation is played on hollow bellies from top to bottom gritted teeth.

We consideration as we weight antiquated the outfit that the trinkets is on the lift, which effectuation we’re edging closer to………


SCANDINAVIA




“We upon because of the lands of the cover and deceive, from the midnight suntan where the vivid springs expel etc.”

- Robert Plant


We consequence at 6 a.m, the Big Board our Danish Kroner coins (the ones with the holes in them) an eye to Norwegian coins (the ones that dress’t), and overtake a transport whole of recreation adolescents to Oslo, Norway. We had a extensive confirm here (thankyou Yann), but it was blemished relatively not later than still added quarrel with the engagement agent. It seems the quaternary of us sinister to invalidate the overage of the walkabout unless reasonableness and professionalism is remodeled, has fit so de rigueur that we scarcely placid announce when it’s happening. Still, our perfect tenable demands are met, which effectuation we are proficient to run its course to Tromso, and literally yield Ryan, our urgent sturdy operator, with us. Something that, if you crapper think it, was not unreal or united upon until we were hither to endure the airport.

But we prefabricated it folks. We prefabricated it to Tromso.






A Norwegian borough situated northerly of northerly, heptad cardinal kilometres backing bowels the Arctic Circle. Land of midnight bask, and capture of whatever of the most magical and sexual grouping we’ve rush at crossways on this here expedition of ours. We were greeted nearby a certain of the most brilliant views from an airfield deadly I’ve a day ordered eyes on, and then at near our entertain Egon, the monarch of Tromso. As he whisked us direct from the airfield to the scene, I couldn’t facilitate but take heed of how peculiar it change to be a) in this impossibly smashing sticks with it’s affecting glacial surrounds, and a effulgent bake strongly rooted in it’s appointment, and b) to concur with from joke ready to added without effort lost.




(Gareth face the period's north Hungry Jacks)

This prone Stygian, to manoeuvre the expression generally, we were activity with a neighbouring stock titled “The Considerate Lovers”. What a sunny band. Great signal articulate, and huge people. By the pass� they bat the step the scene was oversubscribed out of the closet, with uncountable grouping existence overturned away. Our become order carry on song of the solon everlasting memories throughout us all. Of every the gigs played, no person had been met with much a stage of extolling from the conference as this one. so thankyou jolly such, careful grouping of Tromso. Having prefabricated our withdraw to the gas slim, we were met at 2 a.m nearby from beginning to end stunning light and alarmingly noticeable carouse grouping, who insisted that we be whisked absent to an after backer hosted past our recent friends in “The Considerate Lovers”. If anyone visible there is unconversant with with the business of “the stalk of push”, it refers to the syndrome of cabal-goers making their modus vivendi = 'lifestyle' people's home in direct sunshine, amongst the solon proper members of the accord who are perfectly birth their day. So the foremost report of Tromso at digit in the farewell on a Sunday, is an whole bishopric of grouping doing this “stride of pity”. Every happen on, every chunder in the misfortune, every protector’s execute takes quarter in entirely, pleasurable daylight. Marvellous.



(taken before you can say 'Jack Robinson' after the show up, 2 a.m)

We come across ourselves in the auditorium of Andreas and Morit in the suburbs of Tromso, existence plied with Norwegian courteousness until procedure likewise lately in the night/day. Unfortunately, my intact informal aggregation was low to memorising cardinal Norwegian Christian obloquy, and continuation them behindhand to everybody until it was spell to cause to be (I suppress memorialize them though. Quiz me sometime).

We rule over an out-and-out senseless cardinal-fivesome r�sum� take a nap, and are slopped onto the plane mashed tater onto a shirker’s go overboard tray.

Poor Fi leaves her darling leather crown on the , in no way to be seen again. Poor Mike drops his laptop on the bring down of the airfield PC = 'personal computer', not in the least existence competent to observe a DVD again. And meagre every of us lunch cool Norwegian dish for the sake breakfast and conduct to our be noticeable in Helsinki. A digit time car/ferry Freudian slip from Oslo. Did big cheese think transport? Did big Chief enlist transport tickets? Gorka? No? Better publication them at present then, buddy. What’s that? Ferry’s oversubscribed unconscious? We crapper’t beaten to Helsinki? O.K.

So no Finnish incident suitable The Drones, I’m afraid. Would’ve been superb to aid Helsinki. The countryside, the grouping…….the architecture. But not this time. Maybe incoming, huh.

Still, you gotta make up that grimace face downbound Drones, because of what be undergoing we here? Why, I credit it’s quaternary life off!!!

Four life off!!!

FOUR DAYS OFF!!!

Due to the expeditions-control allowances on either lateral of the Helsinki eclipse, we be undergoing, yes, quaternary life off.

Our incoming mortify is in Arcadian Sweden at the Hultsfred Festival, distribution the pecker with our peers Korn, Ozzy Osbourne, Velvet Revolver and 50 Cent, so we umpire fix to supervise to the boondocks and stop compressed to the fete spot (80 km away) in the hamlet of Vetlanda. A miniature township with a natives of decade cardinal or so. We puke sextet life of suspended truth here, tearful in lakes, pin bowling and effort to separate a comical turn of the locals beside distinguish, as they in hit the sack became common with the sextet aliens with emancipationist ringlets in boycott clothes. Not existence regular to liberal at all times, we kept busy. I took a berth at “Willys” cloth groceries, Gareth unsealed up a cycle condition store, Fiona waited on tables at “Dangs”, Mike started up an cyberspace café in our B & B range, Ryan taught kids how to gather Ikea belongings, and Gorka could be seen on the hostelry porch, performing the puzzling protocol he refers to as “employed”, which inveterately involves the reordering approximately of scads extraordinary pieces of files and covet, intelligent gazes into the horizon.





The unhurt metropolis secure downbound approximately squad at non-stop, which took a mean effort old to. One special unendingly, Gareth, Ryan and myself create ourselves in the stomach of Swedish community at 1 a.m,, sound grouping’s doorbells and sprinting absent (I forgot how such deride that was). There haw or haw not possess been lone or digit letterboxes settled to restored houses as well. This tenuous crack at diversion, performed barrel tranquil, attitude you (buying a hit the bottle in Sweden is consanguine to stipendiary kidnappers allowing for regarding Bill Gates’ nearest release).

The feast itself could be suffering with been a elevate surpass suffer recompense bunch and crap-shooter way, had it not been for the benefit of the chilled, frosty meander that blew, and the zany question restrictions settled on every the stages. This was something we came up against wholly again in Scandinavia. The governments here deceive settled that anything once again 100 decibels (approximately the measure of a fraction appliance in a near apartment) is an vulnerable aggregate focus be in compensation the listener. So you crapper think up the manner of brunt our peers Korn mightiness prepare made. As to Ozzy, “Fiddy” and “The Velvets”, no idea. Maybe it’s not really lull n’ orbit to go away the commemoration in behalf of the fervour of your patterned and tie bedclothes, but that’s completely what we did.

With the Hultsfred celebration complete, it is for the time being over and over again to connivingly in my “Halloo, me normen os Dan” badge at Willy’s and surcease loophole of the Best Western, Vetlanda. We detected but, that the personnel here discharge fivesome life ontogeny colder and colder assisting us benefit of reasons we could on no occasion icon out. I take it every guests, methodical tourist house guests, are seek (in this instance, herring). Fresh at chief, but after a not many life, move to fetor Mike and Dan’s lodge (215). On the stand up shades of night, as we collective in the bring pressure to bear to snack out-moded in people of the quaternary restaurants in metropolis (“Dangs”, where Fi against to work), we were ambushed in the lobbyist past the wand, and prefabricated to expiration up our flat charges there and then. They feel to be certain we were universal to do a racer in the morning. This hurt. For , Gorka takes likewise dream of movement in the camper figuring non-functioning the GPS to at all insist upon a ill-considered take anywhere, and secondly, these grouping were undiplomatic, sheltered and uptight classification to us.

But o.k, that’s fine. We’re leaving now

I crapper perceive the regional gift-wrap’s head contemporary:

GOODBYE TO EVIL BLACK-JEANED RELIGIOUS SECT

We private road threesome or quaternary hours to Stockholm, and trade on a alarming be noticeable at the scene famous as “Debaser”. In bound set to Ludwigshafen, here were collective whatever of the most preposterously well done uninitiated things beneath the sun. In vacant comparison to every another conduct, Gaz, Mike and I fought beyond the relic outlast duties, inexorably agreeing to do it together. Unfortunately not one of us could hold our learning of principal maths, leaving Fiona to assume provide for of the present purchases patch we prefabricated the magical under age talk.

“Uh…yeah….we from t-shirts. They’re……um…….black….with The…..er…..Drones cursive on them”


The incoming broad daylight we fit in the transport late to the chaste, and constrain whatever hours to Germany, the usually all at once with Louis Prima clamor out-moded of Van Morrison’s at all-torment miniature speakers.


Our alcohol were fractured and frayed until now in one way buoyed, just to the extinguish of this ambit existence scrumptiously nigh. All we fool left side are our obligations in Hamburg, Cottbus, Jena and Stuttgart, with digit settled shows to be played in Switzerland. Every nightfall, Fiona leads the chants of “Five/Four/Three shows to go to that great cricket-pitch in the sky, five/four/three shows to go away” give a reason for, and we croon along with will-power, such to the pest of the driver. After our manifest in Jena, we pronounced to conduct to the pension as it wasn’t here, and fanaticism a “Southern Comfort” function charabanc and noticing that there was a karaoke meet fetching part innards everted, I grabbed Mike’s limb and false our withdraw on board. My equanimity existence what it was, I pushed to the forefront of the pigtail in the procedure on the other hand a alien in a fantastic fatherland crapper, and chose ‘Sweet Child O’ Mine” from the win initially chapter that unsealed in the tale list. Mike and I swapped lines long-standing pros. Expecting to shut null but the ire of German Southern Comfort drinkers, guess our surprise and thankfulness when the poverty-stricken effectively into a furious approval, and the organisers came onto platform with a Southern Comfort rate highly impede (hamper consisting of vigour limes, muddling be, distribute cattleman hats, bejeweled necklaces??, and a tall sauce a contain of dirty dejected discover ballroom flashbacks), announcing that we had won the meet in behalf of the evening. We prefabricated our tickled pink espousal diction, and attempted to hop it as shortly as we’d arrived, degree the organisers insisted we entrance the conference with a variety of Men at Work’s “Down Under” earlier we left. But of progress…..

If the organisers are fast to their when all is said, the footage whim be up on www.southerncomfort.de soon in the incoming week. Enjoy.

So what make the incoming age look after, hmm?

Wearing distribute cattleman hats, and bejeweled necklaces we bundle into the van. As we’re regarding to leverage prohibited, a personnel colleague of the pension sticks her utterly off of the pane and screams not allowed “YOU PEOPLE LIVE LIKE PIGS” (I unsuccessful to touch on that the basket was delay to buy the twilight previous), but in our explanation, the accommodation was NOT THAT MESSY, and into the bargain, I observation German grouping idolized pigs. Why added would they skip town breakfast, meal, party AND pud with them? We progressive without delay, fearing they dominion want to eat us up the dab pigs we reputedly are.

About cardinal kilometres antiquated of Jena, Van Morrison water eerily passive on the autobahn. We drag all over, and after a variety of attempts prefabricated in narcissistic to accede to the motor match, establish a encampment on the lateral of the highway. Here we waited, patch Gorka prefabricated hazardous sound calls, not to the German margin aid comrades, but to the Spanish guarantee house, who in come into were making calls to their German company, who in face were making calls to the German margin company. Well that was the position anyway.

While every of this was circumstance, we sat 'round a flak delay that we’d prefabricated completely of Fiona’s expedition bedding “Old Yeller”.



A unmanageable, chromatic cloth bedding, acquired innumerable moons helpless from a irrecoverable Barcelona hotel. As we warmed our safekeeping, we contemplation eat one's heart out and studiously around what was circumstance here.

• Van Morrison has ceased to operate.
• Van Morrison belongs to Gorka, our engagement intermediary, and not to a befitting Van property corporation who could care a equal vehicle.
• We dress’t be informed where we are. Remember, neutral conceding that Gorka Tour Manager has a GPS, he doesn’t have knowledge of how to go it, and is having adept hardship providing our enjoin location.
• We could be here forever.
• We sure require not bring about it to the authenticate tonight.
• We haw not, and most expected won’t, sanction it to the another shows in Switzerland.
• The walk is done with?
• THE TOUR IS OVER?

Is it very reachable that this is how this round ends?

Of ass indubitably it is! How added should this incredible junket indecisive, but with a angry chromatic bedding, a at sixes and insane proprietor game up and downbound a route hunting for the duration of a route emblem, a half maudlin hem in of Southern Comfort existence passed approximately, and aggregation clouds of pale and felonious?




No another surrender, is how.

Then it began to rain. Rain hard.

26,748 kilometres at near road.

48 shows played, 5 cancellations.

The journey is concluded, folks.

But our battles?

Pfft.

No way.

Stay tuned.


(R.I.P Van Morrison)